I've just realized this 16 days ago.
I broke up with my boyfriend, and I've never been so miserable since my dad died.
"Shit happens" they say. Well, fuck you. What my ex and I had was magical. And yet, I was stupid enough to believe I had to let it go. I'm so stupid.
Passenger sang "you only know you love her if you let her go."
I love him, I just never really knew until we were over.
zondag 27 april 2014
vrijdag 11 april 2014
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"
I can't help the way I'm feeling right now.
I'm seeing my boyfriend this afternoon, so I should be happy, but right now, I feel far from happy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus and I'm fighting to stay alive, but everything is difficult to do. It's hard to breathe, it's hard to speak, it's hard to eat. My body hurts, only not physically, but mentally.
I want to die.
My life has been a complete hell so far, the only positive things: Jules, Gab and Renée, Laurent (though he is probably also one of the worst things), Anne, seeing my brother and cutting.
The last one doesn't seem right, but it is.
Cutting has made me who I am, the person I always wanted to be. I've grown more open towards people, I'm trusting more and I've learnt how to love.
I know how to channel negative thoughts into positive ones to prevent myself from cutting, and I realize how much I screw up my body and my life when I cut.
All this because of cutting.
They say 'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I used to think that's bullshit. I used to believe that you're the one in control of your own life.
Your life is based on all the shit you went through, even though you don't want it to be.
All the good things in your life are great, but the bad things are the ones you remember the most.
Whatever the good things are, the main things you remember are heartache, loss, disappointments, all that jazz.
You'll remember how badly it hurt to get your heart broken for the the first time, you'll remember how you got bullied, you'll remember the first time you cut and then, you'll smile to yourself and tell yourself how you were invincible, because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
No matter how happy you are, you always have the bad things haunting you.
We all do.
Lots of love,
Lee.
I'm seeing my boyfriend this afternoon, so I should be happy, but right now, I feel far from happy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus and I'm fighting to stay alive, but everything is difficult to do. It's hard to breathe, it's hard to speak, it's hard to eat. My body hurts, only not physically, but mentally.
I want to die.
My life has been a complete hell so far, the only positive things: Jules, Gab and Renée, Laurent (though he is probably also one of the worst things), Anne, seeing my brother and cutting.
The last one doesn't seem right, but it is.
Cutting has made me who I am, the person I always wanted to be. I've grown more open towards people, I'm trusting more and I've learnt how to love.
I know how to channel negative thoughts into positive ones to prevent myself from cutting, and I realize how much I screw up my body and my life when I cut.
All this because of cutting.
They say 'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I used to think that's bullshit. I used to believe that you're the one in control of your own life.
Your life is based on all the shit you went through, even though you don't want it to be.
All the good things in your life are great, but the bad things are the ones you remember the most.
Whatever the good things are, the main things you remember are heartache, loss, disappointments, all that jazz.
You'll remember how badly it hurt to get your heart broken for the the first time, you'll remember how you got bullied, you'll remember the first time you cut and then, you'll smile to yourself and tell yourself how you were invincible, because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
No matter how happy you are, you always have the bad things haunting you.
We all do.
Lots of love,
Lee.
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